Monday, March 12, 2007

From the customer service department

To expedite and improve our newborn services, we've created the following questionnaire. Please submit completed forms to the nearest parental unit, and one of us will do our best to respond to and resolve your complaint within thirty (30) seconds.

I am fussing and crying because (check as many as apply):

-- I am hungry
-- I have a soiled / uncomfortably wet diaper
-- I am gassy
-- I am overtired
-- I want to be held
-- There is no pacifier in my mouth
-- I'm bored of staring at this windowsill / wall / piece of furniture and would like to stare at a different windowsill / wall / piece of furniture
-- My foot is caught in the leg of my sleeper and it's bugging me
-- My sister is crying, and her unhappiness distresses me
-- I'm sitting in a bouncy seat / swing, and I'd rather be lying on my back
-- I'm lying on my back, and I'd rather be sitting in a bouncy seat / swing
-- I'm lying on my stomach, but I'd rather be in downward dog
-- This outfit makes me look fat
-- I feel like you don't really "get" me
-- I am frustrated by the administration's lack of a clear exit plan for Iraq
-- I honestly don't know
-- It's just something to do
-- I like to watch as you try in vain to figure out how to make me stop
-- Global warming
-- Other (Please explain. Please. For the love of God.)


Blogger Mama3 said...

Amen to the list. I'm a friend of Julie W. My girl was born on December 29 and she's got that same checklist except she doesn't have a sister but she does have wicked bad silent reflux.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Marie-Baguette said...

LOL! very cute!

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hang in there, jane!


1:21 AM  
Blogger Churlita said...

Yeah, I used to wish that my girls could tell me what was wrong so I could fix it. Now that they're teenagers, I sometimes wish we could go back to the days when I had no idea, but I could hold them and rhythmically pat their diaper padded bottoms to get them to calm down.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous sweetsalty kate said...

This is pure genius.. loved it.

7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sign them up for yoga.
maybe chamomile tea for baby reflux? (apparently the Greeks are much in favor of this remedy before they switch over to retsina)

Pretty soon they can lie in the backyard and stare at clouds, birds, airplanes, etc.

Make Dad play them songs.
Pour a glass of wine, or two...
Plan a date for April Fool's and i'll babysit. REALLY!!

1:31 PM  

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