Wednesday, February 28, 2007

On the charts

Today the ladies had their 2 month checkup, complete with shots. It's such a cliche, but I actually did get teary, seeing them lying so sweetly and unsuspectingly on the exam table, then having their meaty little thighs jabbed. It's pure projection, of course, but their screams seem to be not just screams of pain, but screams of "But why? Why would you let this happen to me??" Heartbreaking! Fortunately, they calmed right down afterward; no prolonged sobbing or accusations of sub-par parenting.

Both gals, I'm proud to report, are gaining weight at an impressive rate. Elsa is eight and a half pounds (this in spite of the fact that she's got a little reflux problem), and Clio is just a few ounces behind. They are now officially on the charts, at around 10% for height and weight. I guess I should be proud of how well they're doing, seeing as they're being fed exclusively on breastmilk. Lots of people--nurses, doctors, the overnight nannies, etc.--seem quite impressed by this fact. Really, though, it's not like I'm really doing anything that extraordinary; I'm just lucky to have a body that's willing to make enough milk for two. (And how -- put a fourth bag of pumped milk into the freezer this week!) I guess it is a time consuming choice, though it's arguably less time-consuming than constantly preparing formula and washing bottles. And it is physically demanding on some level; I have to stay healthy and well-fed, hydrated, and rested (ha!). But I can't say I consider it a sacrifice to have to consume an extra 1000 calories a day. In fact, maybe if I didn't use breastfeeding as an excuse to eat dessert every day, I'd lose these last 10 pounds. On the other hand, maybe my milk supply is, in fact, as copious as it is because of those desserts. Really, I wouldn't want to mess with a system that's obviously working...

So, we've got healthy, growing babies, looking good. But Clio is still not really smiling or making much eye contact, and this has us worried. The pediatrician told us that this was still "within the range of normal," but that didn't sound terribly reassuring. And for the rest of the visit she kept checking to see if Clio was making eye contact. I'm trying to tell myself that she's fine, she's just lagging a little bit, and if we didn't have another baby to compare her to, we wouldn't be worried. But it makes me so damned sad -- not being able to have the sort of connection I'm starting to feel with Elsa. And it makes me sad to think about her suffering from some condition. And -- jeez. I have to stop. She's probably fine. Right? Right. And I will not spend the next hour Googling different combinations of the words "infant," "eye contact," "autism," and "Diet Coke consumption during pregnancy."


Blogger Eva said...

Glad the girls are doing so well. And glad you are getting Clio smiles, how rewarding after a long 2 months. Can't wait to see one captured on film. And BF'ing twins is an accomplishment, and you should be proud -- sure, it's the best weight loss plan ever, but it also something you're working really hard to do, especially during those every 2 hour nights.

1:44 PM  

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