Wednesday, July 12, 2006

L8R, trimester 1

Today/tomorrow (depending on how you want to count things) I complete my 13th week of pregnancy, which I believe means I’m now officially into the second trimester. I think some people put it at the end of the 14th week, but those people are communists.

A brief status report:

Energy level: better than it has been in previous weeks, but I’m not exactly staying up for Letterman.

Bladder: Under constant assault. Especially as I am trying to fall asleep at night, when it mysteriously starts filling up every 5 minutes.

Abdomen: Like that of a boozy sorority girl (the kind who wears midriff shirts and shouldn't), and then some. It seems to grow during the day, starting in the morning as an almost cute pooch, and looking all-out pregnant by nighttime. None of my pants button closed anymore, though they thankfully still fit in the ass and thighs. I’ve told a few friends at work now that I’m pregnant (haven’t made the official announce to my superiors yet) and they say they hadn't noticed that I'd gained any weight. But then, they haven’t seen me naked.

Breasts: the approximate size and density of ripe $1.69 grocery store mangoes. Beginning to feel a bit constrained in my bra. Will refrain from describing other changes for the sake of modesty. And because I know my friend Brian sometimes reads this, and it would make him blush. (Hi Brian!)

Veins: increasingly visible on torso and legs. Chest looks rather like cracked porcelain.

Mood: generally stable. Pictures of babies / actual babies may cause surges of weepiness.

Headaches: yes, unfortunately, every couple of days.

Gastrointestinal system: Frequent hiccups and small ladylike belches. Constant toggling between constipation and its opposite, unsuccessfully regulated by consumption of / abstention from dried apricots. Occasional vague aches and discomfort.

Appetite: excellent in the morning, good mid-day, not great in the evening, but improving. The mere thought of meat doesn’t make me as nauseated* as it did for a while there. (*note my proper use of ‘nauseated’ as opposed to ‘nauseous’)

Psyche: Good. Very good. I’m out of the danger zone, right? (Unless you’re a communist.) Although I’ve had a feeling all along that everything’s going to be OK. Call it naivte or wishful thinking or self-delusion, but even in the first couple of weeks, when I was having heinous, worrisome cramps, I had a feeling everything was OK in there; that these little guys were gonna hang on.

And I do believe that one or both of them is a guy. (Ha! That sounds funny, to refer to a boy baby as a “guy” – visions of dirty tube socks, chin stubble, beer…. ) Again, I have no rational reason to think this, and it may very well be wishful thinking. I have always wanted a boy, for some reason. A boy and a girl would be fabulous, but barring that, I think I’d prefer two boys. I’m not supposed to say this, am I? I’m supposed to say “whatever they are I’ll be thrilled.” And, of course, I will be. If they’re both girls, I won’t believe I ever wanted anything but.

The funny thing about this gender prediction thing, is that my husband believes me. He thinks that if I “sense” what they are, there must be some truth to it. Anyway, hopefully in about a month, we’ll be able to find out. (No, we don’t want to be surprised. Two at once is surprise a’plenty for us, thanks very much.)

They are starting to feel more real to me. That is, the fact that in six months or less, we’ll have two infants, God willing, is starting to feel more real. However, I still don’t quite feel like those infants are connected to the biological phenomenon occurring inside my uterus, if that makes sense. Therefore, I am really looking forward to seeing them (please let it be them, plural!) via ultrasound on Friday, hearing their heartbeats on Monday, and starting to feel them move in a few weeks. I confess, I occasionally prod my abdomen as I lie in bed at night, hoping one of them will kick me in annoyance, but they haven’t yet. Instead they just stand on my bladder until I get up and pee for the 8th time in an hour. Mischievous little monkeys. I can’t wait to meet them.

On the other hand, there are moments when I am terrified; when I think my God, what have I gotten myself into? Like when I read accounts of the first weeks of twin motherhood like this and this. At least, unlike these women, I will have my husband around to help full time, not just at night. But still. I fear the emotional drain, the worry, the sleeplessness. (I am someone who needs a lot of sleep, and not just while pregnant.) I fear, most of all, that it will be hard to bond with both babies at once. I anticipate moments of extreme jealousy of my friends with singletons. Not that that one newborn isn’t hard, too, but, come on. TWO, people!!

And at the same time, I’ve gotten almost completely used to the idea of having two babies. In fact, it’s hard to imagine it any other way. It seems almost lonely. You say “I’m having twins” enough times and, by golly, you start to believe it.

Expect an update on Friday or thereabouts, after the early genetic testing scan, (Ultrasound and bloodwork) which I'm oddly un-nervous about. Is it possible for pregnancy to cause unnatural feelings of calm and optimism? Must be that little-known hormone, Pollyannastrogen.


Blogger SER said...

Estrogen is associated with a positive mood, so maybe it is affecting your outlook. Or maybe it's just a testament to your rationality, since most people worry over things that have a very low chance of happening.

As the spokesperson for all of your readers, I proclaim that we will be eagerly awaiting news tomorrow! I'll be thinking positive thoughts for fact, I'll be thinking double the number of positive thoughts that I usually emit in the direction of pregnant friends....!

11:37 AM  

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